The Miss Universe Pageant

Our arrogance is sickening. To think that each year we crown a female from our planet Miss Universe is a little disturbing. I mean who do we think we are? We don’t even know the physical limits of the universe and haven’t sent any human beings to any of the surrounding planets in our own solar system. Yet, year after year we declare that this one person will represent the universe. We should be ashamed. And don't even get me started on Mr. Universe.

It's a boy!

It seems my machismo knows no bounds. Yes, today we received confirmation following an ultrasound appointment that has verified that we are expecting another son. Even prior to his birth, my son boldly declared his masculinity. While some lesser fetuses might have evaded such a moment of vulnerable disclosure, my boy wasn’t the least bit bashful.

For those keeping track that gives me a three and one record, not too bad. Of course while no reasonable person would argue that impregnating one’s wife with a son represents the pinnacle of reproductive skill, we would be remiss to allow folks to consider this a negative critique of our female brethren. Even the most staunch chauvinist would agree that our world is a far better place with women in it. No, I for one take great pride in the fact that my little girl will now have three brothers to threaten, intimidate, and protect her from any guy foolish enough to consider speaking to her.

Just wanted to share my good news…

Thoughts from the couch...

I’m just laying on the couch today and relaxing. Bridget is resting in our room and the kids are all asleep. I built a fire in the wood stove and am listening to some old records. Currently playing…a Frank Sinatra album. My friend Sarah gave me a huge pile of old records that she was getting rid of (Thanks Sarah) and I’m enjoying going through these vintage albums. Don’t get me wrong, I like my ipod, and love the idea of having music in your pocket, but I still appreciate listening to these classics on the record player. Maybe its just nostalgia, but who cares.

Anyway, here I sit. The atmosphere is very comforting and I can't help but appreciate the smell of the Christmas tree in the room. We have a live tree. Actually, I guess its pretty dead now, but either way, it’s not a fake tree. I could probably write an entire blog about the communists that have the audacity to place these counterfeit trees in their homes. But I digress. Good music, crackling fire, sleeping children. It’s a good day. Only two things are missing. The first is a cup coffee and the second, well; suffice it to say that it’s something that both my employer and the pezzonovante of the church (Godfather reference) forbid. So for now…I’ll just see about that cup of coffee.

The Dark Side of Black Friday

In my last post I commented on my most recent Black Friday experience and why I like this retail bonaza. This post, as promised, will discuss a few things that I don’t like about Black Friday.

I guess it comes down to just a few basic things.

More. It’s not just an issue with Black Friday, but year round, and that is the feeling that we need more stuff. What’s worse is that we are constantly being told that we deserve more stuff. “You deserve a ______________.” Plasma screen TV, new iphone, car, wardrobe, etc. But when you witness the sheer volume of stuff that’s being purchased on this one day is disturbing and causes one to consider how gluttonous our society really is.

Goodwill toward Men. While it can be entertaining to watch people and laugh at the childish manner in which people behave on Black Friday, there really isn’t anything funny about people treating other people as badly as they do. Watch the news and you’ll hear about someone that was trampled by a crowd or a fight that broke out on Black Friday. Sad really.

The Newspaper. I don’t like it that the Thanksgiving Day newspaper is stuffed full of the retail store “door buster” advertisements. A few years back, we spent Thanksgiving with my wife’s side of the family. When we got to her grandmother’s house, many of them were just sitting around the table looking through the ads and planning where they would go the following day. I couldn’t believe it, these are people that don’t visit or see each other very often and rather than enjoy that time together, they were planning and deciding what stuff they were going to buy the next morning. Fortunately, that hasn’t been the case in recent years, but still, I think that such an occurrence may be more common than we think.

So, those are the big three, but they all really just boil down to old fashion selfishness. My good friend Travis Keller says that Black Friday is the day that makes baby Jesus cry.
The truth is our selfishness, is a problem year round. Perhaps Black Friday isn’t the day we make baby Jesus cry, maybe it’s just the day when our selfishness is so in our face that we finally notice He’s there in the first place. And yes, He’s probably crying.

Why I Like "Black Friday"

I know that many folks have very strong and often negative feelings regarding the retail phenomenon known as “Black Friday”. If you are not familiar, this is the day after Thanksgiving, when many retail stores open early and entice shoppers with significant discounts and free giveaways. Now some feel that this particular event represents all that is wrong with our consumer driven society. While I agree that one can certainly find fault with our unceasing desire to horde more and more material things, whilst turning a blind eye to the suffering and need of our fellow man, my contention would be that this is a problem not just on Black Friday, but the other 364 days of the year as well. So to make the argument that going out the day after Thanksgiving to buy a laptop computer is bad, but going to the same store any other day of the year is ok, just doesn’t make that much sense. Nevertheless, I’m sure that wiser and more interested folks will work out the details of when and where it is permissible to exchange money for goods and services, without the condemnation of being the face of American greed.

But this post is about why I like “Black Friday”. So as one who experienced this annual occurrence, just last week, I will share a few reasons why I appreciate this retail anomaly.

Top Five Reasons Why I Like Black Friday:

5. A 3-way-tie. The fifth place spot is a hodgepodge of three things that I couldn’t cut out. They are being awake at 3am, getting 50 to 70 percent off, and hanging out with a pair of identical twin ladies in their mid-40’s that were proudly wearing reindeer antlers on their head that light up and play music. Basically, I love being up when so many others are sleeping, its just like you got the whole place to yourself. As for the savings, paying a lot less for something I’d be buying anyway always helps. The ladies with the affinity for their holiday head gear, well…I guess you hand to be there.

4. Watching the sheer carnage as people try to charge the doors, in front of those persons who had been waiting for hours in line. That’s just darn good entertainment. Oh the humanity!

3. Waiting in line and making new friends. When waiting in line for so long with other people you just end up chatting and sharing stories. One of the ladies in front of me, while waiting in line at Target, made a Starbucks run at 5am and surprised me with a cup of delicious hot chocolate. I was very appreciative and was able to return the favor around 5:30am, when they held my place in line and I ran to a nearby McDonalds to use the restroom. I returned with a bag of hash browns and we all enjoyed an early breakfast snack.

2. Hearing people waiting outside a Target store at 4:30am, in late November calling other shoppers crazy. (They were talking about folks that had been camping outside of a Best Buy since midnight.)

1. People Watching. The thing is if you are a student of human nature and/or enjoy sociology at any level, then you would find this entire experience to be well worth it. For me, I’d probably go even if I didn’t buy a single thing. It’s that much fun.

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Coming up in the next post: A few things I don't like about Black Friday...

I just thought this was funny...

Maybe a little crude...but funny.

Will the "real" archbishop please stand up?

My good friend Travis Keller recently posted a picture of the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Douglas Williams on his blog. After seeing the Archbishop’s photo on Mr. Keller’s blog I couldn’t help but notice that Archbishop Williams has a striking resemblance to Cigar Aficionado editor Marvin R. Shanken.

The picture of Mr. Shanken is an older one, which could account for a little more hair and the 80's style glasses. But, I think the evidence is pretty overwhelming. And now you know the truth: That the Archbishop of Canterbury is secretly the editor and publisher of both Cigar Aficionado and Wine Spectator Magazine.

Bottom line: How cool is this guy? I may convert.

Two Birds

Am I the only one that has a beef with the animal rights activists of the world? I mean don’t they have some obligation to address the mass genocide that has been experienced by the bird community in recent years? I just think its time we put a stop to this tragedy and someone needs to raise awareness. Seriously, just listen to people talk. It’s not even something they are ashamed about or try to keep quiet. I’m just sick of people who brag about killing two birds…typically with one stone. This has got to stop.

A response to another blogger's question...

I was reading Travis Keller’s blog this afternoon and the question was raised, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I was thinking about this for a moment and then decided that, while I’m not exactly sure where I'll be or what I'll be doing, I think it’s a safe bet to say that I will be expecting another child with my pregnant wife.

Sometimes you just gotta play the odds.

Looking back...

How in the world did MC Hammer ever become as popular as he did? Now, I admit that I listened to the music and even had a MC Hammer tape (yes a tape). My lowest point of course was when I actually had a pair of "Hammer pants" and British Knights tennis shoes. After extensive counseling and group therapy, I've come to a place in my life where I am now able to put these tramatic expereiences behind me. But I still wonder how this guy ever made millions of dollars.

Heroes in a half shell...

I had an epiphany today that took me back many years to my childhood. The teenage mutant ninja turtles were awesome, besides being a great cartoon, they also had a great line of toys, a video game for the old school Nintendo system (which I could never get past the level where you drive the turtle van around the city), and there were the live action movies.

A quick aside about the movies, I’ve not seen the recent computer generated version, but for my money it doesn’t get much better than the original movie and the sequel TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze. There were others made (i.e.: Turtles in Time, etc) but these movies suffered the same fate as the later movies of the Batman franchise (basically any movie that didn’t have Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne). So the later movies sucked, but let’s face it: Live Action Turtle Movie = Quality Entertainment.

Back to the issue at hand…It would be fair to say that I really like these cartoons, toys, and movies, but only today did I realize a critical flaw in the turtle mythology. Well, perhaps it has nothing to do with the mythology at all and rather their clever jingle. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Heroes in a half shell…Turtle Power.” The problem is that they don’t have a half shell. They have a full shell. There is the hard green domed shaped side of the shell on the back and the yellow flatter shaped side of the shell on the front. No half shell. Why have we’ve been cheated for all these years out of half a shell? We deserve the full shell…not a half one.

Cruel and unusual...

I think its kind of mean that people who have a lisp can’t even say the word. That’s just wrong. I mean they know they have a speech problem; do we really have to assign a word to describe this impediment that they can’t even say clearly? Come on.

Good Theology

I’m not a huge fan of discussing theology and reading the ramblings of religious scholars. Its not that I don’t think theology is important, its just that I feel like when we hold our theories and best understandings to the light of God’s truth and wisdom, they resemble the scribbles my kids draw on restaurant placemats. Along those same lines, I am convinced that children have a more clear and accurate understanding of God than we do. In fact my own children have shared thoughts with me that I believe are more profound that much of what I will hear in a month of sermons. Here are two examples:

About a year ago, we had a cat that had a litter of kittens, two of which died shortly after birth. Houston my 5 year old son (4 at the time) asked what happened to the kittens. I explained that they died and he said, “Its ok daddy. When we die, we go to heaven and God fixes us.”

And just today on the way to work, Houston was asking why God doesn’t talk to us. To this, Ashton my 3 year old, replied: “Houston, sometimes we can’t here God because it’s too noisy.”

I couldn’t agree more.

A Rainy Day at the Office

It’s raining today. I love the sound of the rain, the cool air coming in from my window, the smell of my afternoon cup of coffee, and the relaxing music playing in the background. What a great day.

The Allure of Fire

What is it about a fire that brings people together? Certainly the physical attributes of heat and light can be considered as reasons, but there is something unique about a fire that causes individuals to come together, converse, and enjoy the company of those they are with. In fact we will do things around the fire that are very uncommon in everyday life. We may sit quietly and enjoy the sights and sounds as the flames dance around the fireplace. We share in meaningful conversation with others and find that we aren’t watching the time, but just engaging in a dialogue with friends. We even converse with those we don’t know. In a way we don’t understand, a roaring fire can melt away inhibition and we find ourselves discussing current events and sharing stories with those we barely know. Still, at times we just sit back and reflect on things that have been hiding in the recesses of our minds.

In short, there is a mesmerizing effect that comes over us as we sit in front of the fireplace and converse around the campfire. While I don’t know exactly what it is, I am convinced that we could all benefit from spending a little more time nestled around the warm glow of a crackling fire.

Chess or Checkers ?

I was speaking with one of the Vice Presidents that work at the university where I am employed, and he asked me if leaders play chess or checkers. I thought for a moment and suggested that I thought leaders play chess. I said this for two reasons; first I have an internal bias towards chess, because I love the game. My second reason was because of my basic understandings of the game. Checkers is a simple game where all the pieces are the same, they move the same way, and are essentially treated all identically. Chess is a more complex game that is made up of unique pieces, which move in differing ways and have various roles in the game. A good chess player cannot look at all pieces as the same. One must understand the strengths and abilities of each piece in order to win the game.

The Vice President I was speaking with indicated that he had been told that leaders play checkers because there is only one goal in mind, and that mangers play chess because they must manage a vast array of pieces and know what is happening at all times. While I believed he was incorrect in his assessment and told him so, I had a thought following our discussion. First, all leaders must be able to manage people, any leader will manage or supervise a least some people (A CEO manages a team of Vice Presidents, etc.), but not all mangers are good leaders. In the same way, most chess players can play checkers, but not all checker players know how to play chess. In the end however, I think the noteworthy fact is this: Whether we’re talking about managers or leaders, they’re both just playing games. Something to think about…

A Note to Pacifists:

While I respect your opinion, for my money the Atlantic Ocean is the most beautiful!

The Crushing Finality of Being a Wal-Mart Greeter

In Vin Diesel’s movie xXx, (yes this is likely the first time anyone has ever referenced this movie for anything) Diesel’s character is asked by Augustus Gibbons, played by Samuel L. Jackson, if he's “ever seen lions at the zoo? You can always tell which ones were captured in the wild. They remember running across the planes and the thrill of the hunt. After a while, locked in a cage, the eyes start to glaze over and you can tell that the soul has died.”

One can see a similar expression on the faces of those retired individuals working as greeters at Wal-Mart. Oh, you may first be greeted by a smile, but the smile quickly fades and reality sets in, as this person questions how they have come to this point in their life. Remember, these are individuals that have lived full lives, experienced incredible technological breakthroughs, raised children, witnessed political and economic changes, and served in a myriad of roles over their course of their lifetimes, only to now be standing with a smiley face stamp and a roll of merchandise return stickers. These are members of the “greatest generation” and they have rich stories to tell and are ironically confined to a station that limits interaction to a brief grin or a few polite words. Perhaps on our next trip to the store, rather than walking by dismissively, we can stop for a few moments, put a name with a face and engage in a dialogue with a person who has a story to share.

The Arrogance of Virginia

I have a problem with Virginia. Why can’t they be a state like everyone else? Are they so insecure that they have to hang on to the label of Commonwealth? Frankly, I’d expect a little bit more cooperation from an area of the county that has played such a rich role in our nation’s history. Now, in all fairness Virginia is not the only problem child among our 50 “states”. Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Kentucky are also desperately clinging to the classification of commonwealth, but of course, Kentucky has always been one to follow the east coast crowd. The truth is that Virginia a dirty instigator and is just setting a bad example. After all, we all get one star on the flag, why can’t these constituents of our great union just drop the attitude and play nice with everyone else?